Pretty sure we can all agree that 2020 was a pretty $%&##@ year! Tell me I’m wrong… You can’t! This year will forever be engraved into our minds and every time we think about the year 2020, we will go back to that time where we couldn’t find toilet paper (or any cleaning products for that matter), The year the country decided to be so divided (talking about you, citizens of the U.S), the year that unfortunately took some lives of those we cared about and loved. The year that murder hornets started gaining attention, the year of negativity honestly. This year has been crazy and I am beyond ready to leave 2020 behind! So today, let’s talk about 2021. Specifically, the things we as females, NEED TO STOP DOING! There is a lot, but I narrowed the list down to five things. Read along, and learn how you can stop doing these things, also so you can be more aware of the problems doing these things can cause.
- Triangulation –
Triangulation, is often a word used by psychologists and is something I feel all girls have done at least once or twice in our lives. According to Tamara Hill per her article which will be linked and cited below the term is “typically used to describe an individual who creates drama or confusion using 3 or more people in a situation.” Which makes sense and is sometimes understandable yet, still not good to do, since we love drama, especially other people’s drama. One of my favourite YouTubers, Anna Akana puts it very well in her video titled, “One Thing All Girls Need to Stop Doing”. In this video she states this definition of triangulation: Triangulation is where one person will not communicate directly with another person and instead employ a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle. It’s basically gossiping but is also a manipulative tactic used by those wanting to manipulate a certain situation for their own gain, or simply because they “get off” on it.. y’know? THE DRAMA. If this is something you do, it is okay but now is the time to stop [insert laughing emoji and an awkward emoji]. This tactic can be harmful for all involved even you!
2. Fearing –
It is time to stop fearing others, their opinions, what they think of you. We need to start a successful trend where being yourself is a good thing! Something not to be frowned upon and encouraged, Every year we are told to be ourselves, why do we still let society dictate how we act, talk, are in general? It is time to embrace our inner selves! The need to be perfect does not outweigh the need to be ourselves. Being perfect isn’t even achievable! Realistically speaking, no one is perfect. Girls, stop fearing being yourself, and just be yourself. Do what you like, express in any way whether it be your clothes, makeup, choice of music, your writing, anything really to express yourself, DO IT!
3. Bottling Feelings –
Stop bottling your feelings! Girls tend to have a ton of emotions all the time (not saying men don’t however, this post is for the ladies) and we tend to keep them all bottled up until they manifest into something bigger and we end up exploding in many different ways; whether that be getting drunk, doing reckless things with no intentions of staying safe, blowing up on the ones we care about, getting into fights, or simply crying and finally letting it all out. Depression manifests in many ways so just be aware of how it manifests for you. I’m honestly just here to remind you, that you are loved, you are meant to be here. Please find a way to cope and where you can share your feelings so they don’t bottle up and manifest into something you feel you cannot control. I understand how hard it is. When I used to bottle feelings I felt the reason I couldn’t share or get anything off my chest was because I didn’t want to bring the other person down. I also felt that I could only talk to one person in particular (we will also bring this up again later on) and that was the person I didn’t want to bring down! Turns out, our feelings really don’t affect others as much as they do ourselves. Even empaths will let you talk to them, understand you, and be there for you without them themselves obtaining your negative energy, I don’t want to go into all these details and ramble but I also want to mention, You don’t have to talk to that 1 person every time. I promise you there are others in your life that would love for you to share with them what’s ion your mind and are also there for you as well! Hopefully that makes sense. STOP BOTTTLING YOUR FEELINGS! It isn’t good for you.
4. Picking Favourites –
Stop numbering your BFFS, stop picking a “friend of the month” and etc. When you do this, you are (even though you may not notice) neglecting your other friends. You’re making them feel that they matter less to you and if you think they don’t notice that you’re choosing one over the other, you’re wrong. Us girls since the day we start befriending people have this toxic tendency to number our friends from least important to most and it is disgusting. Different people can bring different things and ideas to our lives. Each individual truly matters to us in all kinds of ways, each individual brings something into our lives the other may not. And when we choose to isolate ourselves with one individual we (kind of obsess over) ..spend the most time with we are missing out on what others offer in our lives. Let’s say you are hanging out with someone a lot because you feel you connect more with that person because you believe he/she connects with you due to something you two both gone through or whatever. This someone is all you talk to about your feelings and the only person you want to hang out with because you both are going through something similar. Though this can be good for you, it can also be unhealthy. Not only for you but your other friends that possibly feel neglected. And honestly, your friends have every right to feel that way no matter if you’re going through something. Both of your all’s feelings are VALID. I may create a whole another blog to talk about this soon!
5. Stop saying, “yes” to everything and everyone –
Girls/Ladies/Women! We have got to stop saying yes to everything and everyone! Especially if it is to something we honestly aren’t here for, comfortable with, or simply just cause we don’t want to. We need to start saying no more often, putting ourselves and our needs first. This is something I have been guilty of a ton last year in 2019, this year I have gotten a little bit better, but I still struggled this year with it. I think there is a huge pressure on us women; everyone assumes just cause we’re the lady, we have to do everything and please others. It isn’t our faults, it has simply just been engraved in our brains since day 1. But now is the time to break the cycle and only do what will bring us happiness, good health and joy.
If you read through these and are guilty of a few simply message me on Instagram or email me at email@example.com if you would like to talk more about it. I am here for all of you! And I only brought these up this year because I have also struggled with each one of these points. Triangulation, we all done whether we truly meant to or not. Fearing what others think, yeah this ne was a big one for me, but now look at me! I have this one almost mastered. I am a foot model on the side who sells her feet pics, everyone knows it. I no longer hide it! Cause it’s feet and I don’t care what anyone says. I also stopped caring about what people thought of my personality. I’d rather be me, than to put on a show just to be exhausted and depressed about people not actually liking me for me. That is over with! We all get to the point where we don’t want to bother others so we bottle up our feelings. Honey, do NOT bottle them up. It will only explode I mean, when you out too much water forcibly in a bottle what happens? *Figuratively speaking y’all* Something else I struggled with this year was labeling my friends, I am also not the only one to do this and if the shoe fits wear it and change it! Because it’s true. Everyone has a reason for being in our lives and every person brings something different. Stop neglecting your friends! Lastly, again… stop saying yes to things you really want to say no to. I am also working on that for 2021.
If you enjoy lifestyle content and more mental health talk as well as self positivity then please give me a follow on Instagram by clicking here, and subscribe to the blog! Thank you so much for reading! Happy Holidays!
Links and Credit I said I would add: